


Weak

by Junebug1312



Category: Phan
Genre: Alcohol, Light Angst, Light Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 17:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12173640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junebug1312/pseuds/Junebug1312
Summary: I'm weak and what's wrong with that?





	Weak

**Author's Note:**

> A work based on the song "Weak" by AJR

_"No thank you" is what I should've said, I should be in bed_

Phil lays beside me. This is supposed to be the last time. Last time we talk, last time we see each other, last time we pretend that it is nothing more than sex. That what we have is nothing.

_But temptations of trouble on my tongue troubles yet to come_

I see you waiting in line at the liquor store, it seems we both have chosen the same poison to drown the memories in. I don't let you see me, you’ll say it's in bad taste, you’ll make a joke, I won't see you for a week.

_One sip, bad for me_

I’m on the couch, my feet resting on our stained and damaged table, I am on my fifth glass, you're on your fourth. I could start a conversation, but sometimes trying hurts more than staying silent.

_One hit, bad for me_

You're angry again, drunk. Reminds me of the homeless man I saw on the street, yet you seem to look emptier. You stink of secrets. The poison burns on the way down, sending you into a rage, but tomorrow when you wake up alone, you won't remember why you keep lighting the match inside of you.

_One kiss, bad for me_

One more time rings in my ears, though we both know were liars. The stench of alcohol surrounds us, making me feel more intoxicated than I am. Your lips find my neck and I try to resist.

_But I give in so easily And no thank you is how it should've gone I should stay strong_

I moan anyway, I give into what you want. I let you touch me, I let you command me, I let you lie to me. And although the words pouring from our mouths are hollow, I still love to hear your voice.

_But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that I'm weak_

I come with your name on my tongue, a beautiful display of two loveless lovers. And I wonder if tonight is the night, where finally we put down our shotguns. I try to memorize the sight of you sleeping after were done, as I know I won't see it for a while.

_No thank you They call me after dark, I don't want no part_

You tell me you're taking a walk. I’m not sure why you felt you needed to remind me of your location, but I can’t remember the last time we didn't do that. Perhaps one of us will need an alibi if we decide to commit a crime or someone who can identify the body floating down the river. We both know we can’t go on like this, but I let you leave.

_My habits, they hold me like a grudge I promise I won't budge_

A scream echoes in my ears, only moments after you left. And suddenly I’m getting up and running outside. I’d hope you would do the same. When I get outside, where the cold air nips at my ears that’s when I see you lying in the snow, and for a moment I can't remember a time you looked more peaceful.

_One sip, bad for me One hit, bad for me One kiss, bad for me_

I ran over to you, checking to make sure you didn't get stabbed or something. Though I’m sure we both have asked for it many a time. Yet you seemed to be fine, a bloody nose all that was left. You told me to leave, I told you to shut up. This will not be the last time I drag you home, but it will be the last time I let you leave alone.

_But I give in so easily And no thank you is how it should've gone I should stay strong_

You're bloody and cold. I bandage you up like always, but something is different. You're quiet. Your breathing is fast but you remain still. You aren't yourself, or maybe you are. It’s been a while since I’ve seen the true you so maybe this is what you are like.

_But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that I'm weak_

You tell me you're done. Your voice cracks at the end, the facade breaking. You tell me that this needs to be for something. My brain is fizzing with this news but I just continue to bandage you, perhaps your drunk. But you stop my hand, you finally want my attention. It’s been so long.

_But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that We, we fall for that Wake up, we fall again We, we fall for that Can't wait to fall again_

You slam me up against the wall, kissing every centimeter of my face. Your breath has a heavy scent of coffee, I feel light. Lighter than I have in months. You speak to me more than usual, you tell me jokes and we laugh about your mismatched socks and we kiss but not because we have too.

_One sip, bad for me One hit, bad for me One kiss, bad for me But I give in so easily_

After we are done, you kiss my neck. You take in my existence. You don’t fall right to sleep. You tell me about your dreams, you tell me about the guy who called you a fag and punched you in the face. And I feel something, I feel something I don't think I've ever felt before with you. Hope.

_And no thank you is how it should've gone I should stay strong But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?_

We grip each other tightly as if one of us lets go we will break. The moonlight streams in through my window, I can hear your breath in my hear and I’ve never been so happy for the remainder your alive. I’ve never thought about needing you to be alive, but god today, I needed you to stay. I needed to wake up beside you.

_Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that I'm weak_

And as we drift off to sleep, I don't feel the need to memorize your face because somehow I believe you will stay with me, if only for one night, If only to keep a single promise. And so I whisper 'stay' and it floats up into the dark room swirling around in the air, where so many empty promises have been made. But what greeted it was new and exciting, it was meaningful and filled with more than fake passion. And never before had I been so glad to hear your voice, never before had it meant as much because you said 'always'. And I can’t fight with that, and so what if I fall? I’ve been falling since 2009, and besides, I bet you you’ll catch me.

_But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that_


End file.
